While we're still on the topic of Valentine's Day..., I'd definitely like to share a few anecdotes which made my feb 14...well, funny if not romantic.

-In fact it all started on the 13th itself. It so happened that I'd left my dropyourjawsanddrool bike at the service centre, and so as soon as the clocked chimed 5:30, I decided to make a dash for it to pick it up, lest another particle of dust merrily settles on it. But all this enthu on my part was mistaken by most colleagues as an anticipation of the day to come. Some even asked me whether I'd be coming tommorow?! Come on people, it's just another day.

-Scene 2: 14th morning. As I grab anything edible in sight under the guise of breakfast, my mom tells me that at least today I should have dressed formally, and advised me to carry some extra cash in the pocket to save me from an embarassing situation! Seriously, I agree with Bertie, mom is the one female in the world who always believes her son is eye-candy for all the women around...

-Over to the office. The girl who sits next to me chirps that she for once is having a gr8 day. Reason being that she has just been asked on a blind date to the CCD in the office by a guy, or rather an email...

-As soon as I unlock the comp, Outlook shoots a warning in my face saying thst my mailbox is overflowing with crap, in other words forwards. It seems that today, even people I don't recall have taken the initiative to remind me of the blessed day that according to them i should spend alone, reading the crappy mails and cursing them.
And not just the mails. People like my PM (hello? need some distance here....) naively ask me that why I did'nt take a leave today? Yes, I know I wanna puke and maybe my face says it, but this is too insignificant to take a sick leave.

The only consolation is, that the girl next to me, whose day was seeming to get better by the day, turned around and asked me if I had something sharp to hit someone with. On further inquiry, she revealed that the dreamy email-guy in the last of his mails, had complimented her, saying that she looked like.....guess who....Tanushree Datta!! Poor dude, he sure was in for some abuse-hurling and sandal-whipping.
So as the day ended on a funny note, the both of us shared the only mail I liked in the entire day....the one that wished me a Happy Independence Day!

Yap yap yap.....here i go again

Lots of random stuff to babble about. One the main reasons for this entry is so that the previous one ceases to be the first thing one sees on Mostly Harmless....damn digicams. In the old days on being photographed in such positions, i could have destroyed all the copies and given the negative to the friendly resident rat in my room for safekeeping in his hole...but alas the in this day n age of technology i can't possibly know how many copies have been made and now it's on the internet. Potentially billions of people can see it. Thanks to ZZ9 i spilled my morning coffee (yet again) as i settled into me office chair on monday.

Lots of other stuff happening in the last few and infact the coming days. Finally saw RDB on saturday....nice movie....fun, message n all and gud music. After that was treated to a choclate excess in Barista. Also my new harddisk was broken by seesh earlier that day. But had a gud time in all....reached home late and missed my TL's wedding that night. All in a day's work.

Big event happened in the office on last Wednesday....Madmita wore a saree to work....there were interesting reactions from all n sundry to say the least. I was surprised too...by how well she actually carried it off. She totally enjoyed the attention...but it's interesting how many jaws dropped and eyebrows were raised. Last i checked this was India and saree was supposed to be a sorta national dress, for the ladies atleast. I mean people, as i commented to her would have cared less if ladies suddenly showed up in the office wearing bikines....ok i admit that was just wishful thinking. Point is....it created quite a lot of fuss. The day finally ended with a dude demanding a treat coz of the saree....i mean seriously man if ur hungry and want some food just say it. Few females came up to her and congratulated her on starting some kind of mini-revolution and threatened poor n confused males that they have now been inspired and are gonna wear it to work soon.

Moving on....yesterday was ofcourse Valentine's Day. Being a respected member of the society i have at various forums been asked to comment on bday of St Valentine. Frankly, i don't have an opinion coz it doesn't affect me. It means as much to me as rose day or hug day or friend day or or kiss-ur-boss's ass or any other damn day there is. Anyways i decided to have a nice bath, shave n comb my hair that day; wore proper formals (with sports shoes though) to office. As i walked in a collegue asked me "why the formals ??" .....damn it why not? Do i provide some kinda comic relief that bounds me to dress sloppily every single day? Okay i do but can't i take a break? Quite amusing actually, throughout the day people came up to me and asked me "so...what are the plans for today ?" "Well...my plan was to rob the freakin bank tonite and run off but i don't think you are interested in knowing that!!" i reply with a staright face. Then it comes :- the knowing sympathetic nod, the hand on the shoulder and the comforting smile. I reached home, even my mom pestered me about what gifts i got...she thinks i am surrounded by gals. Jeez....thanks mum, for the vote of confidence n for having such a nice opinion about ur sonny boy, but unfortunatley the other females (of this world atleast) don't share it. In case you are wondering.......never met an alien babe so wouldn't really know about what they think, now would i ??

Talking about girls...it's amazing nothing has been posted on this blog on them...totally disproportionate to the time i spend talking/thinking about/with them. I still remember my english teacher in class 11 n 12...she used to also take some value education class. Her gyan was "Never fret too much about any chick...there are plenty of gud fish in the sea". One may wonder what i was doing at a culinary seminar on non-vegetarian food. No, this statement was actually made about girls in a value education class. I just came to know that fishes have a 10 second memory (haven't verified this fact). But this rule is applying on my life a little too literally, i mean perfectly human babes turn virtually into fishes judging by the way they ignore me after the first couple of meetings. Hmm...maybe it's the deo i am using or my personality...definately one of those.

Great win for India on Monday thanks to goldilocks Dhoni n boost kid Sachin. Everybody loves winners....don't they? Busy days ahead, till the end of march....interviews n work that is piling by the day. Going to GIR on saturday....yipee!! Long since i went to a concert.....gonna totally freakout with buddies and possibly to a date on thrusday.....well no it's just gonna be two friends hanging out together.

Hehe...the things that can make you laugh any time you look at them... 

After the thrill has gone


Earlier this year, as always, I was off for my 22KM short (sic) trip to the college. Thrashing my bike as hard as I could. Asking the bike to take me those magical 3 digit figures, as many times as possible during one trip. And I really enjoyed those rides, dreaming of getting myself a big Superbike and going beyond those early numbers in the 100's.

But I never realized this would happen!!

College was over. Started working. Office was mere 2 KM from my house. And the road was nothing to write home about.

The ride was so damn unenjoyable that I even stopped looking at the speedometer. (My guess is that I would be reaching the max of 45 kmph during the round-trip)

Then one day, after 7 months of riding 4 KMs everyday I finally went on a long ride & a road which God could have given me only after I prayed ages in the Himalayas.

So I went off. Cutting through the air. Everything was going so fast, sideways.
Soon I thought I was too fast. Looked at the speedo.

70 kmph !!!

Am I day dreaming ??
70kmph has brought the shit half way through the hole :-O

What the hell has happened to me?
Am I dying?
What happened to my dream of owning a SBK?
Is it time I move to the safe environment of a car?

Answers to all these questions, the next time I go for a long ride.

P.S. I am thinking of getting my odo checked :)

Queezy tummies and gud excuses

madMita came up with this lil gem.....it can be used as an perfectly valid excuse to give to ur PM for an unsecheduled holiday or ofcourse a description of one's discomfort !!

"My tummy hurts....It's like thethe vogons are having a tug of war in my stomach using my food pipe as the rope...while the whole universe is watching from the pancreas balcony and Zaphod is surfing on my appendix... you get the picture ??"

The boys are back in town!!



from left:- Cosco (ZZ9), Zal, me (bertie) and Chinks (blatherer)

On sunday met up with pals at Zal's sister's wedding reception. Ain't it a nice feeling when you meet with old chums after a long time ?? Ofcourse couple of them are not quite in the old chums category and try as hard as i may, i keep running into cosco n chinks regularly. Although met Zal after eight months. Discussion generally centred around the usual topics - food, carping abt other frinds/classmates n Zal's abysmally poor grades at IIM Cal. All the sentipaan and memories actually made me think about nearly all my friends since kindergarden. Damn i haven't kept in touch with almost any of them. It's so important to keep gud friends close to you...if not in distance but in spirit atleast. I especially remember my 3 best friends in school...in have almost lost all touch with them gradually. Even just out of college i am not in contact with most of my friends from there too.

I see two reasons for that, firstly i pefer a few but very gud mates and i generally hate phony talking...i mean its ok within your immediate surroundings as frankly one needs to, say with classmates n people in office...making small talk n all but beyond a point i just can't stand it. Second reason is sadder, i am just too freakin lazy!! I mean it's lame but true. Also, I am very much a 'with the flow' kinda guy. I mean years in school were long enough to make friends....went to college met new people made relationships during the course of 4 years. Now have further made very gud new friends at office. So all along i have met new people made new bonds but at same time haven't really bothered to keep the olds ones in place.

These days i need to think about grim and idiotic questions like why MBA ?? Or what i wanna do in the next 5 years ?? One of the things that comes to mind is that i miss college. I mean NSIT, my college was gud with some decent junta......but it wasn't really great. But still i miss is that style of existance - i mean those fests, quizzes, rock shows or the general time-killing sessions. One of the things i loved about my friends, infact generally about my whole class was how we constantly made fun of each other, ourselves and just about the whole college. Nobody was as smart or cool as COE-1. Especially in our group people had nice controlled egos and could totally enjoy a laugh on their expense. Total bindassment i say. Even during the exams it was sorta fun when the enormity n length of the syllabus suddenly dawned on you two days before the exam and then one either ran from piller to post to get hold of any kind of notes or alternatively, accepted the fact tht nothing can be done so have fun for 2 days and then confidently walk into the examination theatre like a dude being fed to really pissed n hungry lions armed with a tiny paper knife. It was fun how after getting burned each time i promised myself at the beginning of the next semester that i would be really regular with my studies only to get a harder kick up my backside the next time.

Damn!! so, i want to get into a B-school just coz i miss college and wanna make new friends ? Well, actually no, but i do want to study more and also meet new people and make new diverse friends. That is one place i think most engineers have a drawback - they hang out with the pretty much same crowd, that is engineers. Even at work most people are similar to an extent....i wanna meet newer and different kinds to birds....creatres with totally different thought processes and get to know them better. But ofcourse, all this while keeping old pals and maintaining or even bettering these time tested relationships. Amen.

Hello.... am I talking to me?

Another serious post. Now don't think that I wrote this on being moved by the sudden surge of senti posts on the blog. (Besides, no offence Bertie, but your "not funny" was actually funnier than the previous ones.) I had this feeling going on in my mind before it all, and I remember telling Bertie about writing this on a call I think was the 5 minute one he mentioned in the last post. Maybe it were the posts, maybe the headiness that is Spring, or maybe it was the strange feeling I've been having after watching Rang de Basanti, but I couldn't help introspect on the person that I am, 7 months of work, 4 yrs of college and 21 yrs of walking this earth, down the line.
A normal today in Life is a hotbed of chaotic activity. Permanent tensions, Strange attractions, Heady emotions. To the world, I may seem to be living a normal life. Maybe better than normal. But is this what I'd asked for? Or is this just a bargain I could manage? I remember, as a kid, life was simple, yet wonderful. It was a world ruled by the God of small things. Small pleasures. A chocolate, or a nice movie is all that would make my day. But now, it is just the opposite. Though pleasures abound if I begin to count, contentment is always just round the corner. The coveted project, the good looking girl in someone else's arms, or the elusive postgraduate seat. The newspaper articles about career stress, and ads about Art of Living courses, suddenly seem so relevant. And it's not just me. My brother's become wierder every passing month since he completed his MBA. So have the friends who made college memorable. The girl sitting next to me at office, is constantly on the lookout for a better job. The guy in the next row, cribbing on not being chosen for the on-site job. Or the girl further down the block, in search of that knight in shining armour, who'll come and swoop her off her feet.
...
Then there is the second question. And blame RDB for this if you find it too cheesy.
Is the way I chose, the right way? Is the position that I am in, the best that I could be in for the society and the country? Or am I blinded to something else.......something so damn obvious yet unfathomable because of the apprehensions that cloud my rationale? Fear that haunts the logical, fear due to perception, uncertainty. Would I be a recognised as a part that made a difference in the SYSTEM on the day of Reckoning? Or would I be writ off as another disappointment? Is there someone out there who can help me sort out his mess that is my mind right now? I just don't know...
I apologise if you found the above post boring. I just had to get it out of me. And though the questions still remain unanswered, I have, as an alternative, decided to do whatever i can, to make them fade away, solved or otherwise. A leisurely walk in the evening to catch up with my folks. Or spending a moment to listen to the morning bird chirping near the window, before starting off the day and becoming a part of the rat race, yet again.

Not Funny!!

The entires (that are and were) on this blog are generally funny or insightful or give some pretty useful gyan (theories and primers)....not that they have to but they are written by funny, intelligent, mature and witty people. So if you by any chance are reading this one thinking it has a clever title and will live up to the expectations of entries on this blog then stop....do not read ahead.

Part - 1 : A good opening

My day started interestingly, got up late with a slight buzz in my head......decided not to comb my hair today...i mean who cares right...i am supercool!! Anyways it took me about 10 mins to get my unkempt look right against the usual 2 i take to comb them. Damn it's real hard to make hair not fall into place when you don't want them to. Suddenly my hair were like disciplined soliders in an army regiment all standing next to each other like comarades. So i rush off without having my breakfast. Half way to my bus stop get this call, "Hey dude!! the bus is atleast 30 mins late...so go back and i'll give you a missed call when it reaches my stop"...."thanks" i reply back.

I reach back home and am just about to eat the first piece of papaya when ring..ring..missed call. This is followed by a msg stating that i better run as the driver's body has been taken over by holy saint Juan Pablo Montoya's spirit and is obviously driving fast. So i run, after a long time too combining the speed of PT Usha n grace of....er Pamela Anderson (in Baywatch). Finally make it safely into the bus...the stupid radio is blaring so i decide to silence it, partially atleast by putting my bag infront of the speaker. Get up, do that n sit down...only the bag hasn't properly wedged in place so just as i am settling into my seat it falls on my head much to the amusement of my co-passenger. "Didn't u know the bag was not in place properly", she chirps helpfully....i only mutter something under my breath like a dragon hissing smoke before unleashing fire. Grovel and grumble...jokingly ofcourse how this is the worst start to the day and how it possibly couldn't get any worse. Actually, this was the most fun part of the day....i mean seriously it was eventfull and there was constant action; no thinking, kind of like a Jackie Chan-Govinda starrer.

Anybody who has persevered to read this far deserves a song :-

aye saala
abhi abhi huaa yaqeen ki aag hai mujh mein kahi
hui subaah main chal gaya
suraj ko main nigal gaya
ruu-ba-ruuuuuuuuu...............

I heard this song abt 15 times today thanks to my teammate who loves RDB!!

Part - 2 : An idle mind is a torture chamber

Reached office, don't have much work....checked mails n stuff.
I must admit i was pissed by the comment on my previous post and it bothered me.....question is why did it bother me ? Tried some regular diversion tactics....small talk with neighbor -"hey nice suit, wanna go to the cafeteria for breakfast ??"....."Sorry dude!! no time".Called up friend #1...chatted for 5 mins...he had some work. Called up friend #2....ring..ring...no freakin reply. Called up friend #3...."Haan bhai!! i am driving right now, will talk later."....oh wait, it's my sister's b'day, called her - "The airtel u r trying to call is unreachable...plz try later". Why did she have to go to Timbaktu to celebrate it.

Tick...tock...tick....

Ok 'Zinda', the recent movie has Sanjay Dutt trapped in this cell for 14 odd years. Every few months or years a sinister sounding tune is played and some gas called velium or something is injected into the cell which causes him to faint. Some people come along - clean, shave and give him new clothes. The above description was to compare the closed cell with and idle and calm mind. I mean usually we are doing something which occupies our brain or thinking ahead or back about work, problems or anything.

But my mind ala the cell was completly idle and then the same sinister tune played....here instead of velium, thoughts were injected into my mind only instead of cleansing it, they totally messed it up...so much so that even a MCD garbage dump would seem like El Darado infront of it !!

I fought or tried fighting my thoughts most of the day by trying to bug almost everone in my team, although they seemed to have suddenly found this new zest and aim in life to finish all their work today itself. Then i stopped, stopped wrestling with my mind by actually going for a walk alone outside my building....luckily the weather outside this time of the year in Delhi is quite nice. There was almost a sea breeze blowing outside.

Part 3 : Crappy ending : Food for thought!!

What is our default state of being ?? why is it not happy ? Are we totally dependent on external factors to make us happy - meeting a friend, nice music, a gud choco cake, seeing Yana Gupta dance :) etc...etc ? Do we even have control over what affects us in our state of being ?? Or is it some kind of bubble one is enveloped in when one is really happy....oblivious of the world around us...without cares n worries....only to have it pricked and burst some time. Question is how long can one stay in there ?

One for the road

Nosatagia and Agony Aunties !!

Today was was my first official holiday, i mean my manager had told me on wednesday not to show my face anywhere near office premises today. It wasn't as sinister as it sounds she actually wanted to give me a day off on account of me working my ass off over the past few days.

So i went to sleep yesteday nite with the comforting feeling that i would be able laze around all day and mock my friends who had to work today. But alas!! i was rudely awakened from my beauty sleep at 7 am in the morning by my mother-turned sergant major with just one brief - "Drop your sister to the Metro station !!"......i mean my sister is a nice'ol bird but why do i have to drop her everywhere.....what does this world have against innocent brothers ??

Anyways that done i proceeded to have a rather liesurely bath n breakfast after which i headed towards gud'ol college to collect my certificates and marksheets. Surprise...surprise !! got the certis in just 5 mins and that mean lady in the admin office (one with red hair and long teeth) has suddenly transformed from a student devouring T-Rex into a perfect angel. Made some small talk with her and remembered how she used to cut me down to size.

It also happened to be the first day of INNOVISON - the annual tech fest and all the chaos and madness that acompanies such a historical day was very much there. The emotion was getting to me now n just as i cleared my misty eyes i saw old chum Anish Johnson striding purposefully towards me and gaving me a warm reception. He was a distressed soul n this is where the nostalgia hit hard. He was organising the General Quiz to be held today.....well K n chinks would remember the fun and pressures we had to go through to to put up a top quality quiz show which left the audience dazzaled and begging for more.

Anyway next thing i know i am helping the dude conduct his prelims and around the same time making up some silly rhymey poem involving Kurt Cobain. With Johnny organising the quiz the questions were always gonna be gud and it was in line with the proud quizzing traditions of NSIT although not quite the classics the college had witnessed in the past few years with us (me, K n chinks) incharge. I left with the final advice about not to agree for anything less than a primetime slot in the Audi for the finals later that evening.

Later in the evening i got the chance to play agony aunt to a friend in need of either a helpful conversation or couple of strong drinks to clear the head a little bit. So naturally for the sake of the pal i grabbed the phone and called.....ahem well during the coversation i got a feeling that the conversation wasn't going anywhere and it would have been better to let the balmy soul be alone with the spirit of its choice. But the friend actually called me back to tell me among other things what a pathetic job i had done and had been a disgrace to agony aunts in general.

So as i ready to go sleep its in sound knowledge that one more career option is not for me....sigh....i really thought i could make it big with this one.

When God Closes All Doors, He Gives You a Satellite Radio

I love you too people !!!

Noooo i am not........but then some people insist on calling me that !!

Talk about strategies...

There's this book I've been reading........well, eating, sleeping, dreaming about these days. And though the book is desparately trying to teach me something wierd...er....tea? coffee...? beans?......ah, EJBs. Phew. But interestingly, what hangs on to my poor brain is a unique strategy the book claims to employ to make my brain hang on to what it's trying to say..........


We know what you're thinking
"How can this be a serious programming book?"
"What's with all the graphics?"
"Can I actually learn this way?"
"Do I smell pizza?"

And we know what your brain is thinking
Your brain craves novelty. It's always searching, scanning, waiting for something unusual. It was built this way. And it helps you stay alive.
Today, you're less likely to be a tiger snack. But you brain's still looking out. You just never know.
So what does your brain do with all the routine, ordinary things you encounter? Everything it can to stop them from interfering with the brain's real job-recording things that matter. It does'nt bother saving the boring things; they never make it past the "this is obviously not important" filter.
Now how does your brain know what's important? Suppose you're out for a day hike and a tiger jumps in front of you, what happens inside your head?
Nerons fire. Emotions crack up. Chemicals surge.
And that's how your brain knows...

This must be important! Don't forget it!
But imagine you're at home, or in a library. It's a safe, warm, relatively tiger-free zone. You're studying. Trying to learn some tough technical topics your boss thinks will take a week, ten days at the most.
Just one problem. Your brain's trying to do you a big favour. It's trying to make sure that this obviously non-important content does'nt clutter up scarce resources. Resources that are better spent storing the really big things. Like tigers. Like the danger of fire. Like how you would never again snowboard in shorts.
And there's no simple way to tell your brain, "Hey brain, thank you very much, but no matter how dull this book is, and how little I'm registering on the emotional richter scale right now, I really want you to keep this stuff around...


Well, then the preface goes on to explaining something boring called metacognition (read- the crux of the strategy), and how DO I get my brain to treat an EJB like a hungry tiger. This of course I'm unable to recollect.

An interesting strategy, but as you can see, a total failure in my case!

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Just sitting at my seat, still in office, waiting for the damn test case to run, wishing nothing goes wrong.
The whole atmosphere of office changes when everyone's left (well, almost)
Some people are still sitting, creating craters on the cushion beneath them.
All in all, there seem to the following categories of people who stay till wee hours of the day (or night) in the office -

• The guy, who has been given work, much more than he can handle.
• The guy, who is eager to complete the job of 2 days in 1 day. Maybe he wants to impress his boss or maybe is too ambitious (or disillusioned, I may say :))
• The guy, who wasted all day, giving company to everyone going for a smoke, coffee.
• The latecomer. He probably reached office after enjoying a leisurely brunch and deserves to stay late for completing those mandatory 8.25hrs/day.
  

Which category do I fit in?
Don't know. Don't have enough time to think about that.

Damn! the test case failed.

Rockstar?

It all happened last year.

During one of the rounds of Indian Idol (the desi version of American Idol), Farah Khan was so overjoyed by one of the performances that she declared that the poor chap performed like a rockstar & his performance rocked :O

And, damn, how quickly did everyone in India added the term – rockstar into their (so inspired by the in-thing) vocab.

Now every other singer wants to rock, look like a rockstar. And all they dish out is some crappy, mushy number by Sonu Nigam or some shitty Punjabi number.

And look what they have done to Pal by KK. It was such a nice number and the fools turned it into a disco song.

Why the hell can’t we have some good Indi-rockers. And methods to promote them.

Look how Paki artists are doing. Fuzon, String, Jal, Junoon… they all rock. Tight composition, meaningful lyrics, sticking to the basics (and not going too dhin-chak), these guys are damn good.

But, alas, we can’t think something in the similar lines happening here in India.

Just when the golden era of Mithun da’s, Govinda’s & Jeetendra’s songs was over, came the new age of Remix (and I don’t think they deserve any more space in this blog).

P.S. I vow to myself that I won’t write anything about music the next time. Maybe something about the Cake Theory (and how I became a victim of it), Auto Expo’06, the cute girl at office :), or maybe dissing some assO I meet on day to day basis.

HAPPY BUDDAY !!

Eons ago on 8th Jan a peculiar round-shaped penguin like creature was first sighted on this planet n since then the day is celebrated as the birthday of my ol’chum Marvin aka Kshitij Sanghi aka K.

So how’s life treating you at 30, you old fossil ??

Well how do I describe this bloke….hmm…..he’s one of those super brainy nerds n thinks he’s all smooth n sophisticated but is actually as simple as a rice pudding. He does from time to time drift into a sweet lil world of his own, can really take a stand against popular opinion n generally be a royal pain in the ass.Yours truly would like to take all the credit for turning K from a social embarrassment to a pretty likable creature.

Dude!! I actually have a birthday wish for you :- may the number of hair on ur egg-shaped head (no, i am not kidding u can actually count the number of hair on this guy’s head) stop growing inversely proportionally to ur age, in simpler terms may you have a full crop again to complete ur smashing looks.

Its common knowledge now that we can’t start, continue or finish sentences to each other without a liberal sprinkling of abuses but still dude…..ur a great friend and an awesome person (hullo!! this is the vodka speaking)

In Floyd’s words:
“How I wish, how I wish you were here…..”

CHAOS THEORY

Ok this is actually not one of my famed theories [ I dunn wanna brag but my Cake Theory pretty much took all the spoils and was featured at # 8,00,00,00,008 in the “amazingly simple (to understand) yet stupefyingly difficult (to apply) n brilliantly original theories for the year 2005” list]

Reading newspapers in this day n age is a damn depressing activity…..but just yesterday I read this article which talked about some happenings from around the world which oddly enough n inexplicably were missed by most of us……now before u go..oh ok yet another list.....do give it a read, some of it is real informative n enlightening stuff. This is a personal pick (with intersperced comments) from the article……

The year got off to a fairly conventional start in January, a toilet paper roll refused by the Beatles was auctioned. Things got a little stranger in Feb, when a German zoo decided to allow same-sex civil unions among penguins after attempts to tempt male German gay penguins by importing luscious Swedish females failed; a German thug got knocked out trying to mug an 88-year-old boxing champion and Tom Jones asked feamle fans to remove price tags before throwing underwear at him.

In April Rajesh from Jharkhand, spent 2 days in a well to persuade his parents to find him a bride (that could have so easily been me). In May, a chicken with four working legs was born in Romania n Gopal Singh, a police constable, was caught picking pockets at an elephant’s rest-house inauguration ceremony in Jaipur.

In June, things got serious. The Queen bought an iPod (so did our very own Blatherer) and Christina Aguilera’s music was used to break down an Al-Queda suspect in Guantanamo Bay. July was the strangest month. An Austrian museum offered free entry to naked people, 200 porn movie viewers in Balasore, Orissa, had to do sit-ups publicly and promise never to see porn again (ahem…..ok). A Russian man impersonating his sister for an examination got expelled because his breasts were too big.

In August, a cow was jailed in Columbia for causing a road accident. In September, Germans invented a thinking beer mat, which calls for a refill when your pint is almost empty (whats the big deal....so do my stomach n liver). And in October two Bengali brothers were fined huge sums by their village council for keeping a pet ghost.

In November, four police cars took over an hour to catch a teen gang on a donkey cart in Greece. A trial in Britain was abandoned because of a smelly juror. And in December, a bank robber in Austria was referred to a different counter, Serbian activists were sued for unrolling a 60-foot condom on a monument to promote safe sex and an escaped prisoner in the US was caught returning to jail with four MacDonald’s burgers.

This is by far not the end the end of the list but here’s hoping that may things around us get even weirder in 2006.

Biggest dolt of em all ???

Suddenly, in virtual space that hugs an insignificantly small blue greenplanet, there seems to be an attempt towards (dis)order. The planet has reportedly noticed a negligbly small shift in the seemingly harmless world of bloging. Instead of the widely accepted one moron per blog, there seems to be a gang of verbal-hooligans out to distroy blog-peace and take down with them all conventional ways of expression…
Mostly Harmless has now become a cause for concern…

This five member cult consists of various living examples of what-one-should-never-be. They obey no rules, spare no one and unleash verbal mayhem fast enough to deteriorate the planet’s supply of creative ideas by the next millionth of a thought…

Even Bertram, the originator of this conspiracy against the conventional thought process, could not have forseen its impact on all thegrey-colored-cells in the human body…

A seemingly innocent attempt to entertain and tickle the funny-boned-reader has turned into an ugly competition between the straight yet undecided breed of modern thinkers…

This internal dispute and struggle for the funniest-entry-award has unleashed the demons inside each cult member. The war is on, on Mostly Harmless, the result being a naïve Blatherer, an amused Marvin, an excited ZZ9, a clueless Bertram and lastly, the most probable winner, a scheming Madmita… All typing away with more smoke coming from their fingers than their cigs…

FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: This is not my post but one by scheming Mad Madmita......she threatended me at gunpoint to post it for her......so any fustrations, abuse or use of colourful unparliamentary language should be directed at her and not a peace-loving soul like myself

CAT-as(s?)trophe

So the 3 almighty IIMs decided to show me the finger this year round. Big Deal. I'm kinda used to the gesture anyways. But the kind of response it evoked from ahem... my well-wishers was.....surprising, to say the least.

It all begins on a gloomy foggy morning on the 2nd of Jan, when, after almost 3 sleepless, crazy, boozed up nights in a row, I wake up to a strange feeling that this year promises to be as crappy as the previous one. Talk about deja vu. So off i head unclean, unshaven and unwantingly to the office....forcing smiles and "Happy New Year to you too"s.
Anyhow, just as the black coffee was beginning to hit me and bring some senses back to the head, I'm greeted by good 'ol Razdan, not with another "Happy New Year" but the news that the Truth is finally out, er... i.e., the calls have been announced.
Cheerful as he sounds and zombie-like that i am right now, I mistake his enthu for a positive news and congratulate him. Damn, another hit on the head. Should start bringing my helmet in from now on. Only then do I check my own results, and the middle-finger slowly begins to materialise on my monitor.

Call it a hangover, or a "I don't care" attitude for....well Life, the Universe and Everything, I seriously feel no remorse on the news. Suddenly Homer Simpson is my idol. But then as the phone calls/emails begin to pour in, I start to fel the gravity of the situation (and jus so u shud know, gravity is the laaast thing I need more of!)

Some responses from people:
*Oh shit!
*Sorry yaar, shit happens.
*U r a stupid useless creature.
*Don't kill urself, u were at my B'day treat, now I want urs. (I swear this is true)
*More Oh shit!s

Such heart-wrenching thoughts. I suddenly feel an urge to listen to Floyd. Or Eminem, for that matter.
I mean, come on people. I know that my lesser-brained compatriots expect nothing short of perfection from my side, but I'm no god. Not according to most cultures. Besides, not getting some shitty calls from an institute that can turn me into a millionaire before i can imagine, well.....that's not the end of the world. I can still try for Trilogy ;-), or easier still, apply the next time.
So, at the end, I feel that this year may not be that crappy after all. For starters, I learnt the best way to get rid of hangovers. And hey, this wise ass attitude feels really cool too!