Hello.... am I talking to me?

Another serious post. Now don't think that I wrote this on being moved by the sudden surge of senti posts on the blog. (Besides, no offence Bertie, but your "not funny" was actually funnier than the previous ones.) I had this feeling going on in my mind before it all, and I remember telling Bertie about writing this on a call I think was the 5 minute one he mentioned in the last post. Maybe it were the posts, maybe the headiness that is Spring, or maybe it was the strange feeling I've been having after watching Rang de Basanti, but I couldn't help introspect on the person that I am, 7 months of work, 4 yrs of college and 21 yrs of walking this earth, down the line.
A normal today in Life is a hotbed of chaotic activity. Permanent tensions, Strange attractions, Heady emotions. To the world, I may seem to be living a normal life. Maybe better than normal. But is this what I'd asked for? Or is this just a bargain I could manage? I remember, as a kid, life was simple, yet wonderful. It was a world ruled by the God of small things. Small pleasures. A chocolate, or a nice movie is all that would make my day. But now, it is just the opposite. Though pleasures abound if I begin to count, contentment is always just round the corner. The coveted project, the good looking girl in someone else's arms, or the elusive postgraduate seat. The newspaper articles about career stress, and ads about Art of Living courses, suddenly seem so relevant. And it's not just me. My brother's become wierder every passing month since he completed his MBA. So have the friends who made college memorable. The girl sitting next to me at office, is constantly on the lookout for a better job. The guy in the next row, cribbing on not being chosen for the on-site job. Or the girl further down the block, in search of that knight in shining armour, who'll come and swoop her off her feet.
...
Then there is the second question. And blame RDB for this if you find it too cheesy.
Is the way I chose, the right way? Is the position that I am in, the best that I could be in for the society and the country? Or am I blinded to something else.......something so damn obvious yet unfathomable because of the apprehensions that cloud my rationale? Fear that haunts the logical, fear due to perception, uncertainty. Would I be a recognised as a part that made a difference in the SYSTEM on the day of Reckoning? Or would I be writ off as another disappointment? Is there someone out there who can help me sort out his mess that is my mind right now? I just don't know...
I apologise if you found the above post boring. I just had to get it out of me. And though the questions still remain unanswered, I have, as an alternative, decided to do whatever i can, to make them fade away, solved or otherwise. A leisurely walk in the evening to catch up with my folks. Or spending a moment to listen to the morning bird chirping near the window, before starting off the day and becoming a part of the rat race, yet again.